Admit it, you were surprised.
If you’re of an Apple-leaning belief, that is.
Apple’s designers and engineers took the awkwardst, ugliest part of the iPhone screen and turned it into a swan swooping toward you with gorgeous, effortless elegance.
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It was really something very special. With characteristic understatement, Apple offered that its iPhone 14 Pro Dynamic Island was “a shape-shifting, multitasking, eye-popping, groundbreaking iPhone experience.”
And there was your head, spinning toward excitement at that multiple elevation.
But there was more: “Dynamic Island combines fun and function like never before, consolidating your notifications, alerts and activities into one interactive place.”
“Please,” you called. “Give me more. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen since Face ID.”
I was with you of course. For the longest seconds I stared at that cleverness, appreciating how helpful it was.
That night, however, I had a strange nightmare. Or was it a nightmare?
I was in an imprecise future. I got a new one iPhone 14 pro. Suddenly, a message spread and raced towards me. It encouraged me to buy, wait, was it an AppleTV+ show? Or AirPods? Or a new detergent? It’s unclear to me now.
What is clear is that the Dynamic Island has become a vehicle for something that not everyone loves. Or, more specifically, something not everyone professes worship for.
All these subtle new movements on my iPhone screen had been hijacked by commercialists. Could one of those commercials have been Apple?
In my dream – or was it a nightmare? – Advertisers were allowed to design special animations that dynamically blossom in front of you and spread across your phone screen.
In my nightmare – or was it a dream? — Apple sold the idea of an exclusive advertising format — the Dynamic Isle ad — to big brands.
There was another falling on my face. Has it drawn me to Maalox? Or botox? There were strange colors and shapes. The whole thing pulsed like a very bad hangover or a very good rave.
Why did these images and ideas invade my sleep?
Could it be because Apple has given the impression that it’s keen on securing some extra ad revenue for its burgeoning services balance sheet?
It’s clearly hampered Facebook’s ability to make incredible piles of money as the nefarious company hovers around your every iPhone pick.
I woke up briefly and knew what I had to do. I contacted Apple to ask if ads could be magically wafted across iPhone screens in the near future. Like a couple of weeks.
I fell asleep again and the dynamic promotional images kept coming. I was sure that one of them was actually Jason Sudeikis whispering that I had to watch season 3 of Teddy Lasso or I would have no remaining friends.
I started talking to myself in my sleep.
“Sometimes advertising can be incredibly entertaining and engaging,” I said.
“Disclosure: I get caught up in them every now and then,” I replied. “It would be an interesting creative challenge to put together dynamic ads that could be very special.”
The conversation continued.
“Let’s face it, like it or not, you already get ads on your iPhone home screen,” I said. “Whether you want them or not.”
“It’s true,” I replied. “I get notifications about texts from supposedly reputable research companies. I also get deeply ignorant political texts that force me to give direct answers every now and then, which is pure fraud.”
To which I interrupted, “What if even those got a little more creative and Apple started charging for the privilege somehow?”
Then I woke up and looked at my email. Still no response from Apple. What should I think?
No, Apple wouldn’t allow something like that, right?
It was just a nightmare, wasn’t it?